Our Journey

The Wonderful Years!

2011-10-04T13:57:00.005-05:00

I woke up this morning. Watched the sunrise. The same activity as I do everyday.
Today was different, though. I walked into Tanner's bedroom, sat down next to him as he slept and whispered, "It's time to get up, Angel..."
That's when I realized it. 3 years ago today, I landed in his birth country, excited and nervous. The past three years have been definitely a learning experience! Wonderful. Exciting! I wouldn't change one second of it!
Tanner is certainly growing up. He's such the little man. Such a comedian! Ya just never know what's going to come out of his little mouth!

Updated Photo's!

Some updated pictures...December 2010

2010-12-20T16:09:00.007-06:00

Dillon's Christmas Party! 12.04.2010 SANTA!!! Oh how he loved Santa!

Tanner's First School Christmas Program! 12.17.2010
I was so proud of him! He was one of the only ones who actually sang!

More pics to come!
Merry Christmas to Everyone and a Very Happy New Year!!

Out of the Mouth of Babes...

2010-12-17T09:26:00.002-06:00

Last night, while driving home, I was telling Tanner of all the things I had to accomplish for that night. This was our conversation:

Me: I have so many things to do tonite, Tanner. Cook supper, get your clothes ready for your Christmas program tomorrow night, give you a bath and pick up the kitchen and living room....

Tanner: Momma? Where's my phone?

Me: hmmm, I don't know, Tanner...

Tanner: Where's your phone Momma?

Me: It's right here...why, son?

Tanner: I need to call Jesus to help you...

---My heart melted...---

That absolutely made my whole night...Goodness, I don't think I could love that little boy more!

Happy Birthday, My Little Man!

2010-12-09T07:47:00.003-06:00

I had all these plans of waking up before him, this morning, taking his picture at the exact time he was born, singing Happy Birthday as he woke up. Man, was I fooled. Instead, I woke up to his sweet little voice saying, "I just come to check on you, Mom. It's my Birthday!" So, at 4:45, I sang Happy Birthday to him over and over again before talking him into going back to 'rest'.

I can't believe how time has flown by. 3 years ago today...6:10am My precious little baby was born into the world. He's not a baby anymore--if you ask him, Momma is the ONLY one allowed to call him a 'baby'...otherwise he demands that he's a BIG BOY! The only remnants of him being a baby is when he sleeps, he still balls his little hands up in fists...i love that....

At the moment, I don't have any 3rd Birthday pics, but I was looking through all my pictures of him this morning. I found this picture--it's his 1st birthday! He came to see Momma at work! He had only been home for almost 2 months...Gosh, He's growing up! But grows more precious with each day...

So, today, My baby boy, it's your 3rd Birthday! You're growing up to be such a smart, sweet, loving BIG BOY...Momma loves you with all her heart!

it's been forever!!

2010-10-04T09:45:00.007-05:00

please forgive...life has flown by...WOW!
I looked at the calendar, then quickly at my watch this morning. It's been 2 years...TWO YEARS since i arrived in Vietnam...
Where has the time gone?
Then, I signed in this morning ( it took me awhile, i had forgotten my email address!) and saw I hadn't posted since April! Sorry....
But, I have some pictures since then...
See how my little man has grown!!

New pics of the little man...

2010-04-16T13:41:00.011-05:00

Yes, I'm behind. Where does the time go? Tanner had some pictures taken a few weeks ago....i'm just now finding the time to post them....here's my favorites!
He's grown so much! Can you believe he's almost 2 1/2?? I know I always say this, but...Time Flies!!!

*sighs* Makes My Heart Melt!!!

I LOVE This Picture!!!

"When I was Born in Vietnam"~~SO glad I remembered to do this picture!! LOVE these Pj's!!

Happy Easter!

2010-04-04T00:35:00.004-05:00

I've been thinking alot about Easter, lately, and the meaning of it. It always leads me back to the night I was matched to Tanner:

God sent his ONLY son, to die on the cross for us...
Could I do the same, if I was in that position?
Could I send Tanner, for you?
The answer, at least for me, is a solid N-O!!!

We have a most selfless God, a loving God!

God Bless and I hope everyone has a wonderful Easter!

A Great Day!

2010-03-09T08:02:00.003-06:00

I woke up this morning, not so happy that I was now 38!

Until...I woke Tanner up and heard him singing Happy Birthday to me!
He sang all the way to school! I was able to stop long enough once we got there to video it!

Indeed, it is a great day!

Looking for My Baby...

2010-02-26T07:54:00.003-06:00

I've looked everywhere.
I'm only able to see small signs that he's still here...
The way he balls up his little hands when he's doing nothing with them...
The way he reaches for me when he has an 'owie'...
The way he looks when he's asleep...
When he asks for me to "rock-a-bye baby..."

A part of my heart aches for that little child that I brought home a year and a half ago...Even then he seemed to be older than his age.

Now, He's VERY verbal. He surprises me everyday with what comes out of his mouth. Whether it's hilarious, thoughtful, loving , or wise beyond his years.

He's about a month or 2 away from being potty-trained (boy, he looks so precious in his underwear...so tiny!)

He's very capable of shoveling food into his mouth with his own fork/spoon.

He knows when mommy's sad or upset, happy or glad....
and tells me when he's feeling any emotion. (i.e. "Momma? I'm happy, are you happy too?")

One of my favorites..."Momma, I'm handsome! You're pretty! I love you so much!"

It's a dream to hear every word from his mouth....

But on those dreary days like today...when I really just wanna cuddle with him....A corner of my heart misses that little baby....

I love you Tanner!

The Smell of Rain...

2010-02-19T07:51:00.005-06:00

I received this email today. What a way to start my day! It really made me think...Think about those months, before I got Tanner. God was there holding him...
Tanner loves the rain. He, too, has commented on the smell, before the rain.

I hope you enjoy this, as much as I did!

A cold March wind danced around the dead of night in Dallas as the doctor walked
into the small hospital room of Diana Blessing. She was still groggy from surgery.
Her husband, David, held her hand as they braced themselves for the latest
news.
That afternoon of March 10, 1991, complications had forced Diana, only 24-weeks
pregnant, to undergo an emergency Cesarean to deliver couple's new
daughter, Dana Lu Blessing. At 12 inches long and weighing only one pound
nine ounces, they already knew she was perilously premature.
Still, the doctor's soft words dropped like bombs. "I don't think she's going to
make it," he said, as kindly as he could.
"There's only a 10-percent chance she will live through the night, and even then, if by some slim chance she does make it, her future could be a very cruel one"
Numb with disbelief, David and Diana listened as the doctor described the
devastating problems Dana would likely face if she survived. She would never walk, she would never talk, she would probably be blind, and she would certainly be prone to other catastrophic conditions from cerebral palsy to complete mental retardation,
and on and on. "No! No!" was all Diana could say. She and David, with their 5-
year-old son Dustin, had long dreamed of the day they would have a daughter to
become a family of four. Now, within a matter of hours, that dream was
slipping away But as those first days passed, a new agony set in for David and Diana.
Because Dana's underdeveloped nervous system was essentially 'raw', the lightest kiss or caress only intensified her discomfort, so they couldn't even cradle their tiny baby girl against their chests to offer the strength of their love.
All they could do, as Dana struggled alone beneath the ultraviolet light in the tangle of tubes and wires, was to pray that God would stay close to their precious little girl. There was never a moment when Dana suddenly grew stronger.
But as the weeks went by, she did slowly gain an ounce of weight here and an ounce
of strength there. At last, when Dana turned two months old. her parents
were able to hold her in their arms for the very first time. And two months later, though doctors continued to gently but grimly warn that her chances of surviving, much less living any kind of normal life, were next to zero, Dana went home from the hospital, just as her mother had predicted.
Five years later, when Dana was a petite but feisty young girl with glittering gray eyes and an unquenchable zest for life. She showed no signs whatsoever of any mental or physical impairment. Simply, she was everything a little girl can be and more. But that happy ending is far from the end of her story.
One blistering afternoon in the summer of 1996 near her home in Irving, Texas, Dana
was sitting in her mother's lap in the bleachers of a local ball park where her brother Dustin's baseball team was practicing. As always, Dana was chattering nonstop with her mother and several other adults sitting nearby when she suddenly fell silent. Hugging her arms across her chest, little Dana asked, "Do you smell that?" Smelling the air and detecting the approach of a thunderstorm, Diana replied,
"Yes, it smells like rain."
Dana closed her eyes and again asked, "Do you smell that?"
Once again, her mother replied, "Yes, I think we're about to get wet. It smells like
rain." Still caught in the moment, Dana shook her head, patted her thin shoulders with her small hands and loudly announced, "No, it smells like Him. It smells like God when you lay your head on His chest." Tears blurred Diana's eyes as Dana happily hopped down to play with the other children. Before the rains came, her daughter's words confirmed what Diana and all the members of the extended Blessing family had known, at least in their hearts, all along. During those long days and nights of her first two months of her life, when her nerves were too sensitive for them to
touch her, God was holding Dana on His chest and it is His loving scent that she
remembers so well.

Snowy Days!

2010-02-02T14:40:00.006-06:00

We FINALLY got a little snow! Yay! It seemed that everyday on the way to school, Tanner would ask me, "Momma? where's da snow?"
I have some pictures of our snow days!

Momma and Mr. T!

Tanner woke up sick the next day- after the snow- so, we made snowmen with his play dough!

We started getting 'cabin-fever' by the end of day 2--so....
I commissioned Tanner's first work of art! Here's the result...complete with a little disgust over his 'dutty hands' !

We had such a wonderful few days together with the snow! Loved every minute of it!

My Little Ham!

2010-01-18T09:34:00.005-06:00

There's not much more I can say!
He's so funny! I tell him to pose...and he comes up with this! He's 2! not 22! hahaha!

L's and Th's

2010-01-11T12:18:00.003-06:00

Tanner has discovered the very important L and Th sounds. Somewhere--probably in his sleep, he discovered these sounds. We have been working on them for a few months now:
(me) Tanner? Let's go take a baTH!
(Tanner) baFF, Momma?
(me) No, baTH!
(Tanner) baFF!!

ok, so fine, he's not in the mood to say TH! I can deal with that!
How about L?

(me) La La La La ...
(Tanner) Ya Ya Ya Ya!!
(me) Tanner, look at the Christmas Lights!
(Tanner) Ohhh, ho ho ho, merry Christmas...momma, yook at da Christmas Yights!
hmmmm...
(me) I love you, Tanner!
(Tanner) I yuv you so much!
hmmm...

So, this past weekend, he magically woke up and behold...there were L's and Th's!

(Tanner) Ni Hao, Kai-Lan, Momma!
(me in my head..)what the crap?
(me) What, Tanner?
(Tanner) Ni Hao, Kai-Lan!!!

It was the absolute cutest, most exaggerated 'L' ever!--not to mention my little Vietnames baby boy is speaking CHINESE! hahaha! ***side note*** I can say, "Tanner, can you say Hello in Chinese?" He'll say, "Ni Hao" "Can you say hello in Spanish?" "Hola!!" "Can you say hello in English?" "ummm hello, momma!"
We're working on the Vietnamese Hello! hahaha!

(me) I Love you, Tanner!
(Tanner) I Love you so much, momma!
(me) I'm going to tickLe your beLLy!
(Tanner) No tickLe my beLLy, Momma! (very exaggerated!) too cute!

ok, so I'll push my luck...

(me) Tanner, are you ready to take a baTH?
(Tanner) I take a baTHHHHH, Momma!! (Not only did he spit everywhere with all the exaggeration, but he pointed at his tongue...I guess I still do that when trying to show him a word! hahaha!)

So, my baby is growing up....
BUT...
he still and will always be My baby!

He's going through this phase where he'll say, "Momma, rock-a-bye baby, please!"
When saying this, he'll hold up his arms for me to pick him up.
Totally melts my heart. So, of course I do it, not only for his sake, but for mine!

Yesterday we went to a birthday party. On our way home, he said over and over again, "Momma, I had fun! I so happy, Momma!"
Left me speechless!

Christmas Videos!

2009-12-29T08:00:00.005-06:00

What a Christmas!! Busy! Busy! Busy! One of my absolute favorite thing in this world...the wonderment of a child on Christmas morning!! God is Good!!

A Little Birthday Fun, A Little Christmas Party

2009-12-14T10:20:00.011-06:00

Finally got Tanner's Birthday pictures uploaded! YaY!
December 9, 2009 was Tanner's Second birthday!
My baby boy is growing!

We had a small party with Nanna and Poppa--but his REAL party was saved for the weekend!
Saturday, we attended Dillon's annual Christmas Party! Wow, were there alot of people there! The highlight, of course, was Santa!

Sneaking a peek at a Christmas present!

A funny picture of him with his "reindeer antlers!"

I couldn't resist taking a picture of him by the Christmas Tree!

We had a good time at the Christmas party....It was great to see all those families with their precious children!
Sunday was Tanner's Birthday party with the whole family! He woke up straight away yelling, "Tanner's birthday party!!"
Here are a few pictures!

Don't even get me started on this cake! ugh! The cake from hell!!--but I just had to give him THIS cake! :) I thought for about an hour that he was going to be stuck with a PINK cake, but finally, after an emergency run to the store and 4 bottles of red food coloring, I got it to this rather bright RED!

Fireman heaven!

Of course there was a firetruck!

Tanner and hell-cake(beloved firetruck cake)

Devouring of said hell-cake...looked hideous, tasted great!

A Note on Your 2nd Birthday!!

2009-12-09T07:43:00.004-06:00

My Dearest Son,

2 years ago, today, you were born into this world--in a land, far far from where you live now.
So many miles we have traveled, so many firsts we have taken, so many adventures to come.
I've watched you grow, I've watched you learn, but most importantly, I've watched you thrive.
My heart is overflowing with love for you, my wonderful little man!
You are the center of my world, the very core of my heart...
It's an honor to be your mother...I'm the luckiest Mom to call you my son!
Happy Birthday Tanner!!
I Love You--more than the moon and the stars!!

~Momma~

Christmas Already!!??!!

2009-12-01T16:27:00.009-06:00

Where has the time gone? I can't believe it's Christmas time already! I can't believe that the Christmas decorations are up, and Christmas songs are playing all the time! I love this time of year, though!! Especially now! Here's some PRE-Christmas pictures

Where did this little Vietnamese cutie learn to do some sort of 2-step? hahaha!

A Little Q & A and Some Pictures...

2009-11-18T07:32:00.007-06:00

Momma: Tanner, where were you born?
Tanner: BietNam!
Momma: Tanner, where do you live?
Tanner: Arkansong!!
Momma: Who loves you?
Tanner: Momma wuvs you!!!

Out of the mouths of babes!! Gotta love it! :)

Here's a few pictures of from the park this past weekend!

"COOL DUDE!!!"

PEEK-A-BOO!!

Halloween 2009

2009-11-03T13:07:00.015-06:00

It's that time of year again, bright shiney days, in between terrential down pours. Luckily, Halloween wasn't spoiled by rain. It was a crisp beautiful day!!! Tanner had a wonderful day! It started out with his very first Halloween Party! (The party was wonderful, Tricia!! You thought of everything!!!! Thank You!)

After a LONG nap (he was exhausted) we packed up and went to Poppa and Nanna's to trick or treat!!! We were so excited to see Uncle Todd and Aunt Vikki with little (not so much...SO juicy!!!) Amelia!!!

We stopped for just a bit for a few photo ops

Then me and the little bug were off to trick or treat!! On our way home, he looked up at me and said, "Momma, Punkin is hebby (heavy)!!" He was sooo happy to have so much Chocolate! Hahaha!!!

On a much more serious note: I got an email from a friend that has this link attached to it.
http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601080&sid=an94ROU1ez6A#
It saddens my heart--like alot of other people.
My prayers go out to the wonderful people of Vietnam...My Son's birth country...you hold a special place in all of our hearts.

The Pumpkin Patch

2009-10-23T14:19:00.004-05:00

This past weekend, we were able to go to the Pumpkin Patch! I think I was more excited than anyone---until we got there! When we drove up, Tanner started yelling "Punkins!!" Too cute!! He laughed and played, petted the animals and picked out our pumpkins! We had a great time---reminded me why I love this time of the year!!

Precious

2009-10-07T18:06:00.003-05:00

What a site...

A Busy day, tons of patients to see...
In walks Tanner with this bouquet of flowers (with his Nanna of course).
"Happy Gotcha", he says...
Needless to say, T-E-A-R-S!
The rest of the afternoon was wonderful with me!
So, of course, I just HAD to take a picture of the flowers!

Happy Gotcha Day-1 year!!!

2009-10-07T07:41:00.006-05:00

Again, I'm going to say it...seems like that's all I say...I can't believe it's been a year!!! I've replayed the last week over and over in my mind; "This is what I was doing a year ago!" " A year ago, today, We were at our Giving and Receiving Ceremony..." I've had dreams over and over again this week about our time in Vietnam. Even though Tanner is too young to know what I'm talking about, last night I pulled out his life books and the pictures I took from Vietnam and we looked at each and every picture...He looked at each baby picture of himself and would say, "Baby Tanner, Momma??" or "Motorcycle! Motorcycle! Momma!!"
To him, that was the real meaning in that night...He'll understand soon enough!
I took some really cute pictures of him last night as well....

One Year Ago,~ October 7, 2008~ Giving and Receiving~ Da Lat, Vietnam

Here's to the rest of our lives....

We First Met

2009-10-05T07:46:00.004-05:00

A year ago, today, Tanner and I first 'met'. I had expected shear terror out of this little guy, but surprisingly, what I met was a curious little boy who just looked into my eyes and put both hands on either side of my face and just looked at me...I felt he was looking into my soul! He had me at that very moment...I was putty in his hands!

Love at First Sight!! October 5, 2008

A Year Later!! October 5, 2009

Tanner,

I never could have imagined that I could love you this much! With every second of every day that passes, I love you more and more! You are such a Blessing! It is such a Blessing to be your momma! I love you my Angel!

~Momma~

Off to Vietnam--one year ago!

2009-10-02T07:38:00.002-05:00

I woke up this morning and remembered that one year ago today, I was FINALLY off to Vietnam to meet my son for the very first time! I CANNOT believe it's already been a year! Time has really flown by!
I can still remember the butterflies in my stomach as I boarded the plane...leaning over to Angela and saying, "here we go!!"
The 3am wake up--in the air on our way to Hong Kong--with someone saying to me, "You want noodles?" and me smiling and saying, "No Thank You" but really thinking, "Can you please refrain from waking me up to eat something every hour on the hour?"
But the ultimate--when we landed in Vietnam--the complete unnerving anxiousness--
the throngs 'o' people that met us in the airport yelling something or another, and as the masses parted, finally seeing that small white sign that read, "Dillon".
Oh sweet Jesus, that sign...and the smiling little Vietnamese face that met my freaked out smirk! What a site I was! The 2 days worth of airplane muck on me--the icky nasty hair on my head...and the complete look of terror on my face! I wish I had a picture of me as I stepped off the plane! hahaha!

What a wonderful year it's been...complete bliss!

A Peek into Our Beach Week!!

2009-09-22T13:19:00.003-05:00

Early sunrises with the sweetest little boy ever, gathering seashells, playing in the sand, the waves tickling our toes, golf cart rides to the beach and back. How I wish every week was like this!!

The Beach

2009-09-15T09:23:00.002-05:00

Today is our second day in Fort Morgan, Alabama. It's been mostly cloudy and raining here and there, but who cares?? We're here and we're having a wonderful time! Yesterday morning we went to the beach--in the rain (no thunder/lightning). Tanner rounded the corner and saw the big waves! He looked at me and said, "BEEEEEEACH!"
We walked down to the water and let the waves tickle our toes. (He wasn't too impressed at first with the sand. He kept saying, "ewww, dirty, momma!") We walked out a little further into the waves and let the waves hit us. He tightened his grip on my hand, but I kept reassuring him that we were ok and that this was fun! He looked up at me and smiled...right as another wave hit him in the face! hahaha! What a look he gave me! But just as quickly at he glared at me, a smile came across his face and he said again, "Beeeeeach!!" We then went to play in the sand! YaY sand! He loved it! He loved burying our feet in the sand and then wiping them clean! We had to pack up early as the rain came down harder. But then again, Tanner LOVES rain! He laughed all the way back to the house! We got home, and the poor little guy was freezing! So, after a warm bath, we snuggled up...and he fell asleep. The little man was exhausted, because he slept 2.5 hours! Never fear though, He woke up WILD and raring to go!
We played the rest of the day...shopped ALOT, and played some more!

Who knows what the rest of this day will hold. Rest! Play! Beach! Swimming! who knows!?!

Pictures to come soon!

An Evening to Remember!

2009-09-09T07:39:00.003-05:00

I have wondered for months how to raise a compassionate, soft-hearted, loving little man. I kept thinking what was it that my parents did to make me so soft-hearted, compassionate.
Well, last night, I saw a precious glimpse of such a little boy.
We were having a little 'mommy and me' time: a dimly lit living room, the tv's soft glow, and whispers of love to one another. I looked up on the tv and there was a show about OperationSmile. It's something that I had 'heard' before, but never really watched. I became more interested...and so did Tanner. I noticed that they were in Vietnam. As we watched the show, my eyes filled with tears. Tanner looked at the precious little babies and then looked at me and said, "Momma, baby hurt! baby hurt, Momma!" That's when he noticed me crying. He's seen me tear up a few times, but hardly ever a full-on CRY! He looked at me, smiled, and said in the most precious voice I've ever heard, "Momma, don't cry. It's ok, Momma, wipe your tears." At that point, he grabbed a cloth diaper that I keep around to wipe his always-snotty nose and said, Tanner wipe momma's tears, it's ok, momma..."
Needless to say that my tears of sorrow turned into tears of complete and utter love. That precious baby made me speechless. All I could do was just hug and kiss him (he thought I was going to kiss him to death, I think!)
All this to say, All I can do is my best to SHOW Tanner love and compassion...trust God to do the rest!

I just had to!

2009-08-10T07:59:00.003-05:00

I just had to video this! Bless his sleepy heart...He's going to kill me when he gets older!! I couldn't hardly hold still due to laughing while videoing him!

10 Months!!! How Much He's Grown!!

2009-08-07T07:43:00.011-05:00

Finally, We've made it to MY Milestone. I've so looked forward to the day that I could shout to the world, "We've made it to 10 months as a family!!!" You see, Tanner lived 2 days shy of 10 months at his center...and I just wanted to be able to say that we've been a family longer!!

He's grown so much...he'll always be my little baby...but I just sit back and watch him, he's so grown! I laugh when I think that I actually carry on a full-length conversation with a 20 month old!--and rejoice in every second of it!

He's so funny! The things that come out of his mouth are hilarious! or as he quite often says to EVERYONE..."Tanner funny!!!"

Here's a small look at him/us from the beginning, as a family!

A family, complete, for 9 months!

2009-07-07T07:58:00.003-05:00

WoW! How quickly time flies! I cannot believe how time has zipped right by! I woke up this morning, after dreaming about Tanner and I first meeting. How nervous and excited I was! Of the first moment I saw his little face...The peace that dripped over me instantly.

Each and every day, I think of his birth mother. I pray that God assures her of the great love that ALWAYS surrounds him...now and forever! I pray she has peace. She will always be in my heart.

Here's some 4th of July pictures! Tanner loved the food, fireworks, food, family, and more food! I can't believe that he hasn't gained more weight than he has, seeing that he LOVVVVVES food!

A sick little man...

2009-06-30T11:57:00.003-05:00

"Croup is a condition that causes an inflammation of the upper airways — the voice box (larynx) and windpipe (trachea). It often leads to a barking cough or hoarseness, especially when a child cries.
Most cases of croup are caused by viruses. Those involved are usually parainfluenza virus (which accounts for most cases), adenovirus, and respiratory syncytial virus (RSV). Croup is most common — and symptoms are most severe — in children 6 months to 3 years old, but can affect older kids, too.
Most cases of viral croup are mild and can be treated at home, though rarely it can be severe and even life-threatening. Some children are more prone to developing croup when they get a viral upper respiratory infection."

And when 'they' say BARK, that's exactly what it sounds like!

It all started with a morning of whining. Me, being an amateur 'mommma' thought he was just playing me(as he usually does) when we head for daycare.

All morning long, I had my phone in my hand, expecting 'the call'--telling me that Tanner needed to come home. And...at about noon, there was 'the call'.

"He has a slight temperature, come get him, please..., " said the voice on the other end of the phone. Nanna went to get the little darling--she said he was a bit whiney and that the medicine brought his temp down, but that he was playing fine. By the time I made it to get him at Nanna's house, (I thought, as I walked down the hall that they must've gotten a new dog) I heard it....the most painful cough I've ever heard...followed by a wheezing gut wrenching cry.

My heart screamed.

That night was filled with many MANY tears, trips to the steamy bathroom to see if I could help his 'bark'....to no avail. I even tried the 'ol 'stick his head in the freezer' thing...nope..didn't work either.
My night was sleepless. Somewhere after 2am, I slipped away into a delirious cat nap, only to awake to the burning flesh of the little person that wheezed next to me. I jumped up like someone had electricuted me, ran and got more 'fever reducers' and juice, stripped off all his clothes (by then, he was WIDE AWAKE, laughing at me--of all things)doing everything I could to help the little guy out. Eventually, his fever did come down...only to scare me to death after his nap when he seemed to be struggling to breathe. That was it! DOCTOR TIME! Yep, the kind Doctor confirmed it, Croup. We took the round of steroids--which eased the gross barking, only to lead to an Upper respiratory infection and bilateral ear infections...YAy! (side note here...so cute..but kinda gross...Yesterday morning, Tanner woke up with the ickiest snot plasterd all over his face and in his hair ---instant hair gel!!---his eyes were matted shut....I picked him up out of bed and he said in his most pitiful voice, "Momma, Eyesssssss!" He couldn't open his eyes due to the muck! )So, yesterday we hit the 'ol doctor again for some antibiotics. He woke up this morning, nearly his normal jovial self.

I know all parents and children go through the sleepless nights, aching hearts because their kids are sick...This was just my first REAL bout with it. The complete and utter love for my little man...the helplessness I felt ---the sweet hand that touched my face as I prayed over him...priceless....

Summer Fun and Off to Tulsa!!

2009-06-11T12:29:00.002-05:00

First, a little Summer fun!!

He's surprised me again! He absolutely LOVES playing in the water!! All the time I hear, "Momma, Outside! Pool!" *sigh*

On another note, we're off to Tulsa tomorrow for our Agency's Vietnam Weekend! I can't wait! I can't wait to be there and finally meet 'those' that helped me to Tanner...Helped us become a family...and with who's hard work is GREATLY appreciated!! Pictures to come!

18 months old!

2009-06-09T16:22:00.002-05:00

Happy Sweet 18 month Birthday, my precious son!!! I'm so proud of you, and love you with all that I am!! I'm the luckiest person in the whole world! You are my blessing!

Love Always and Forever,

Momma

" Cawwdinals!! "

2009-05-24T09:30:00.009-05:00

For a few weeks now, we've been preparing Tanner for his very first baseball game!!! I think we were a little more excited about going than he was...that is, until we actually got there!!

We all got up early, and left for our trip at 6am! I must admit, I was slightly nervous because this was our very first LONG car trip! As always, Tanner out did himself...he was WONDERFUL!! (Thank goodness for the portable DVD Player!)
We got to St. Louis around 2pm--we were leaving for the game at around 5:30pm.

We ate dinner and away we went! We got to the game early enough to settle in...get something to drink and kind of relax before the game started. Tanner was a little on the 'unsettled' side. He couldn't decide what he wanted to do...sit in my lap, or his Poppa and Nanna's lap...or just stand and look around. FINALLY, the players ran out on the field. All the sudden, we heard, "CAWWDINALS!!! CAWWDINALS!!!" Priceless! He kept screaming "Hi Cawwdinals!!" and waving at them as hard as he could! Laughing and screaming!!!

Unfortunately, we were only able to see 2 innings due to being under a Tornado Watch w/ torrential rains, but in those 2 innings we were able to see a homerun and a bunch of fireworks! He screamed and giggled with everyone else! He loved it!!

We all hung out until the rains let up a bit, then it was off to catch the train back to the hotel. As soon as we started for the train, the rains came down again! Tanner raised his head and screamed, "Raaaiiinnn!" (he loves the rain! especially if he's getting wet!)

We made it back to the hotel and rested the rest of the night.

The next day we made it to the St. Louis Zoo. Tanner's fav--the elephants!!

It was a great weekend, despite the rain! We can't wait to go back!!

Happy Mother's Day!!

2009-05-10T10:39:00.002-05:00

It's such a beautiful day! I'm not talking about outside, because well, of course it's raining outside---I'm talking about the DAY!

This time last year, I celebrated Mother's Day...I had just gotten my referral, and got a gift, "from Tanner."

So much has happened since then.

This year, I'm celebrating it actually WITH Tanner. Each and everyday, I thank God for the blessing of being Tanner's mother--Thank You's for hearing his laughter, for hearing him call ME "Momma". Thank You's for just being---living each moment, delighting in the joy of him!

We've also been witness to seeing other wonderful women become momma's to their darlings. That, in itself is an honor and a blessing!!

I hope each and ever mother/mother-to-be has a most wonderful day!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!

Wow! What a Week!

2009-04-19T14:09:00.004-05:00

This past week most definately goes down as an emotionally charged busy week!

This week, we FINALLY welcomed the much anticipated arrival of my niece/Tanner's cousin, Amelia!
She's healthy and absolutely beautiful! Tanner wasn't too sure about her, but he quickly got used to her and wanted to give her some kisses! He soon started saying, "Momma, Amelia!"

Here's a couple pictures of of sweet Amelia!

Friday was our Adoption Day!!!
YaY!
We rushed home from work and quickly got ready for our court appearance!
We were escorted inside and of course Tanner and I were first! He was already riled up (missed his nap!), so I pretty much knew this was going to be a time to remember! We got up on the stand and I started answering the questions. Tanner must not have been too happy with my answers, because right in the middle of it, he started ummmm, freaking out?!?
The court reporter said she couldn't hear...so we had to stop for a bit to calm down. The sweet Judge reached under his desk and said, "Here's a teddy bear, Tanner!" That was perfect! Tanner kissed and hugged that cute little bear!
Pictures were taken, and little speeches given, papers were filed and given. We walked out of the court--hand in hand, enjoying the spring breeze--mother and son....perfect.

One Year Ago!

2009-04-08T19:14:00.002-05:00

I can't believe that one year ago, (yesterday, actually) I was matched with Tanner!
Geeez, what one year can bring!

Sometimes it's hard for me to believe that we're a family! -- that I have actually kissed those sweet little cheeks--a million times now--that I so desperately dreamed of.
Daily, I hear him say, "I love you!"-- to me! his Momma!!

That's another sweet little word that I absolutely crave!! MOMMA!
such a sweet sweet word...

With everyday that we are together, the loves grows deeper, stronger...
My Son...You ARE home!!!

It's been a wonderful year!!!

Spring is HOPEFULLY here...

2009-03-29T14:25:00.010-05:00

I'm SO glad, that spring is here (hopefully)...or at least not too far away! Tanner and I are so ready to be able to go a substantial amount of time without a cold.

I thought I'd post some pictures that we took (in between colds)!

Tanner is such a little man now! He is CONSTANTLY talking or singing! I love that!
He is pretty much always happy! I thank God all the time for him...and his demeanor! OK, so on to some pictures!!

Ok, Ok, so I got carried away! I just couldn't decide!

Happy Valentine's Day!

2009-02-15T14:23:00.007-06:00

Well, I am a day late, but I do hope everyone had a wonderful Valentine's Day!

I thought I'd take this opportunity to post a few pictures from Yesterday!

We had a great day...just momma and son...and dog!

A Beautiful Day!!

2009-02-08T13:51:00.002-06:00

Yesterday, the 7th day of February, was absolutely beautiful! It was in the high 60's with a light breeze.
Tanner and I decided to take advantage of such beauty by going to the zoo!

When we got there, we weren't the only ones with such a wonderful idea!! We parked and headed for the animals!!
We strolled around, looking at the bears, lions, tigers, and Tanner's favorite, the monkeys!! Seeing as I've nicknamed him "Monkey" he, of course, knew how a monkey goes! "OOoo Oooo Ahhh Ahhh"...he even has mastered the movements a monkey does...(the fingers tickling his underarm!) Three hours later, he was tired, and momma was tired too! We gathered his monkey stuffed animal and cotton candy and headed for home. A mile away from the zoo, my little man was asleep! Totally tired!

These precious times with him...I wouldn't trade them for the world!

110 days

2009-01-25T10:40:00.002-06:00

I was checking a few other blogs today, when I stumbled across my own blog. I stared at the ticker that was quickly counting away. It's been 110 days since our G & R!! oh my gosh. Time has sure flown by!! He's walking now...has been for a little over a month now...no stopping him now! His vocabulary is growing by the minute! He now weighs 20 lbs--though he looks bigger to me...but then again, he's pretty tall for his age, I think.

At 'school', he's been coloring and finger painting. So, I've taken that cue to get our very own colors and paints at home...and he loves them!!! With every color that he uses, he gets so excited and is so proud of himself that he yells "YAY, MOMMA!!" and claps and giggles! I wish I had a video camera--perhaps mounted to my head, to document all these totally cute moments!!

One of the blogs I've been following, that family is in Vietnam to get their son. They're there for Tet! Looking at her pictures, makes me think back to a few months ago--though the place looks so different due to Tet. But, nonetheless, I keep thinking about when I was there to get Tanner. Though, at the time I was so overwhelmed with everything...EVERYTHING--I can look back and think that perhaps, under different circumstances, I'd probably go back again...and take the time to ENJOY his birth country. I never thought I'd see the day that I'd actually see myself typing this, let alone say it out loud....but...I'd really would like to go back....*sigh*

Hurry home Lisa, Scott and Eli!!!

Welcome 2009!!

2009-01-01T19:08:00.007-06:00

My hope is for everyone to have a wonderful New Year! I pray for every joy in this world~~all the love and laughter a person can handle~~time for family~~good health to all...I pray this for everyone!!

I was cleaning the house this morning (actually ALL day), putting away toys and such, rearranging this and that...

I took a moment, to once again look at the special gift Tanner gave to me for Christmas...and once again, tears fell...

What a blessing he is to me....

Thank You, My Lord...

Whoa...

2008-12-28T14:23:00.006-06:00

no posts in 2 months? wow!! Time flies, huh? Halloween, Thanksgiving, Tanner's Birthday, now Christmas has past...and now we're all headed for 2009! Can't wait! I just looked at how long Tanner has been my son--82 days! HOLY COW!! With everyday that passes, my heart grows full of love for this little man! He's talking up a storm...the standard, "momma"---which is music to my ears, "Nanna", "dawg" (yes, with a drawl), "bottle", "bite", and HIS version of "I love you". He blows kisses and is basically a ham! Always smiles...even wakes up smilin! I'm such a lucky mom! A blessing!!

Here are a few pictures of Tanner--taken for his birthday/Christmas!

Almost 2 weeks home!

2008-10-26T14:21:00.002-05:00

Where has time gone? We've been so busy...going there and going here...
Bonding....working on a sleep schedule (doing MUCH better now than in Vietnam!!)

We've visited Poppa and Nanna's work...and my work!
We've visited with Angela and Emersyn!!
We've gotten Tanner's 1st hair cut (so cute)
and we went to the Pumpkin Patch (a first for me and Tanner!)

I've gotta get some pictures on here...sometime!!

It's SOOOO great to be home with Tanner!!

K

From Hanoi to Home!

2008-10-14T08:16:00.004-05:00

In just a matter of less than 24 hours, we'll be boarding a plane heading to LR!!
I must admit...I CAN'T WAIT! The time here was well worth it! I'm coming home with my son! The sole purpose of why I came to Vietnam!!

We got his Visa today! YaY!
We're all packed and ready...just watching the clock! Dreaming of CHEESE DIP!! A HOT DOG...BURGERKING!!! YUM!!!

I thought I'd end our trip to Vietnam, with a few pictures!!

MY PRECIOUS LITTLE MONKEY!!!

Pictures! Pictures! Pictures!

2008-10-11T10:23:00.009-05:00

FINALLY able to upload some pictures onto this thing!! Service hasn't been the greatest here in Hanoi! These pictures are just a few sights and special moments of our journey!

Random pics !!

2008-10-08T13:36:00.005-05:00

Boat Houses in a Boat Village
A Wedding Party!

My Tanner!

Busy Day, Off to Hanoi!

2008-10-08T13:06:00.005-05:00

Last night was....ummmm...OMG, I'm REALLY a mommy!
I gave Tanner his bottle at 9pm, and he was asleep by 9:30!
Of course, I layed down at around 2:30am, thinking..."any minute now, he's going to want a bottle! That child was plain and simple exhausted!!! He woke up (actually, I did the waking) at 7:30! I was amazed, surprised, whatever you want to call it, I was!
Snug as a Bug in a Rug!!!
Today, we did the whole 'getting the passport', medical check...on and on.... After all of that, we HAD to go to the Tax Center for some formula, cereal, and cookies for my little man!
Yes, it was raining...HARD...but Angela, me, and Tanner braved...successfully, I might add, the traffic, did what we needed to do, and returned "home".
BATHTIME! still not a big hit, but who could blame him for cryin a bit. He had been such a wonderful baby today, with all the draggin here and there, I did. THEN, a bath? He LOVED his new bottle and cereal...and got full! He decided that he was full 3/4 into the bottle! I held him for a few minutes until I saw his precious eyes grow heavy, the snuggled him up in his blankets and 'boggin' and away to dreamland he went! *sigh* I'm the lucky one...

Giving and Receiving!!

2008-10-07T14:04:00.004-05:00

Today, was the day, that I've waited for my whole life! As nervous and nauseated as I was when we got there...Everything was perfect! As you can see, my lil monkey was sound asleep....until it was over!

(A little side bar here----Thomas is wonderful! I'm so SO so glad he was there to walk me through everything! He has such a calming peaceful presence!!)

After the G & R, we headed back to the Hotel, and decided it was time for a short 'n' sweet bath! He did great! He wanted to cry so bad, pouted his lips out...but not one tear! He found comfort out of holding the travel baby lotion/shampoo!

He enjoyed getting dressed and playing with his toys. We packed up, check out, and headed out for HCMC once again---LOOONG 7 hours!
Tanner did great!!! He drank 2 bottles, instead of the 3 they said he'd take (every 3 hours!) He took a couple of naps, played, played and played! He loved looking out the window at EVERYTHING!---and he kept calling out to Thomas, "Ba Ba Ba!!"
He loved playing with Thomas!
We made it back to The Rex at around 8pm, and was told to be ready to go submit passport papers at 7:30am!
We came back to the room, and Tanner was getting a little fussy....he ate almost 1/2 a banana...which he loves!, popped a couple of teething tablets, (he has 2 teeth, and is cutting another!)and got ready for bed! He took another bottle and was out like a light! He's been asleep for 5 hours!! Poor little man had a rough day!

So, I'm on my way to bed! I can't stop looking at him and kissin him!!!

til tomorrow!

The Night Before G & R

2008-10-06T10:44:00.002-05:00

Here it is, 10:45pm, and I'm wide awake!...The windows are open (no a/c) and the gentle--VERY cool breeze is blowing the curtains....
No scooter horns (unlike HCMC)and very few automobiles are on the road. We just had a wonderful dinner across the street again. Angela and I have talked all night long about what I might expect. Tanner may HATE me when we load up on the van for the 7 plus hour drive back to HCMC. His bag is packed for the long drive back. Toys CHECK! Clothes CHECK! Diapers CHECK! all available meds CHECK! Bottles CHECK!
I'm ready!...I think. I really don't know what to expect. All I'm told is, "don't worry...all is ok!" Ummmm ok then! How am I not to worry? I'm flexible...I understand that---but what am I to expect from here on out?

Ok, so I'm kind of freaking the heck out here...but it's ok, because after tomorrow, Tanner will be in his momma's arms...safe and sound (probably a little freaked out himself--but nonetheless, in his momma's arms!)

I hope I'm not sounding negative here. I'm out of sorts! Jet lag? Home Sick? who know. I'm so out of sorts. and I'm sure it's only going to get worse when I get home.
On a lighter note, I absolutely LOVED meeting his caregivers! Of course no one could understand one another. We got pictures with one of his caregivers, and I was able to 'speak' with another ( I think she was deaf) but EVERYONE loves Tanner. People were driving up on their scooters and coming over to him and saying, "........Hai Hai Hai....." Men, women, and children kept coming over to him and kissing and loving on him, kissing his cheeks....and he kept smiling at everyone he came in contact with. He seems very inquisitve, and lovey to everyone!

*sigh*

So, I better get to sleep (like that's going to happen.)

Tomorrow's THE day!

Waking up in Da Lat

2008-10-05T18:07:00.004-05:00

I awoke this morning, at what I thought was 7:00am. I had to scramble to find a source to tell me the time. (again, no alarm clock!) Ummm, no, it's not 7:00am, it's 5:45am. What the heck is going on here?
Anyway, I looked out the window, to a small team of scooters whirling up the hill.
Our hotel, the Novitel Dalat was built in the 1930's. The whole town sits in the "swiss/french, back in time, high on a hill" kind of era. To look out our window (by the way, there's no a/c at this hotel...but you really don't need it at night--it gets really cold here..i about froze!)it looks like a small little town you'd see surrounded by water or something. It's kinda hard to explain, but it's completely quaint!

This is our view from our balcony!
Across the street, the hotel utilizes a restaurant, " Le Cafe de la Poste" So yummy! you can pick from Vietnamese food, French food, and 'Western' food. All the ladies are wearing these cute 1950's sort of dresses with frilly white aprons around there waste. It was weird, because last night when we looked around, everyone was either from England, Germany, America, or France! A melting pot of voices!
I'm in love with this small little town!
Just think, as I'm posting this, Tanner is a mere couple of miles away from me....NOT THOUSANDS!!!

Me and My Angel!

2008-10-05T14:24:00.003-05:00

The drive to Da Lat took right at 7 hours! Such beautiful scenery! Pictures can't even begin to do it justice! We arrived at the center right as it was about to rain! Everyone saw Tanner in the Director's office, BUT ME!
The moment I laid my eyes on him...that very First time....time really did stand still! He just looked at me with those, "who the heck are you" big brown eyes!
I reached for him, expecting him to cry as soon as I reached for him....no tears, just wonder! I kissed his cheek softly...heaven!
By the time we left, I actually got several smiles out of him! He loved his little toys that I brought with me! He has good coordination, and he mocked me a few times as I made little coos to him! I'M IN HEAVEN!!!
The Director and his Caregivers said, "he's beautiful!" and "he's an easy baby!"

ok, so...lemme get to the real reason you're reading this post....Pictures!

We're on our way!

2008-10-04T20:15:00.002-05:00

In just about 45 minutes, will be heading out towards Lam Dong. Trinh told us it's about a 7 hour drive (not looking forward to that, but have Dramamine in tow!)

It felt so good to get a 'good' nites sleep. Even the beds felt good to lay on---they were a little on the hard side, but who cares!?! I awoke with a much better outlook on things. I awoke to the hustle and bustle of ALOT of scooter horns. The sunrise was beautiful! I took in the street scene...and LOVED IT!! I thought to myself, "This is the day I meet my son!!!" Tears flowed, but the love I felt swelled! Here we go!!

Tanner, I'm not months away from you, It's a matter of HOURS!!!!

I Love You,

Mommy

HCMC!!

2008-10-04T04:42:00.005-05:00

We survived the plane ride...I have NO IDEA what time it is here (after 4 calls and 3 housekeepers, and 2 maintenance men...we still have no clock/alarm clock!) I heard people talk about the traffic here...and have seen some pictures and documentaries, but NOTHING can prepare you for it! I'm telling you, PSYCHO SCOOTER PEOPLE!

When Trinh picked us up from the airport, we groggily hopped in the van for the forever ride to The Rex. I just closed my eyes, (I wanted to put my head between my knees--in survival-mode)and watched Angela's reaction to the complete chaos that surrounded us!
We got to our room--completely overwhelmed...took our first shower in 2 days (gross)and made sure we had internet...our 'outside' communication, and decided to brave the traffic beneath us. It wasn't so bad, except for the fact that coming back to The Rex, Angela come so close to getting smashed by a scooter.

Here's a picture of us, right before we headed across the street to the Saigon Tax Trade Center (I'm thinking it's not THE Tax Center that everyone talks about...we'll go there, when we come back from Lam Dong....Maybe.)

Today, being able to say that we are in HCMC--is great---scarey, but great! TOMORROW, I'm going to see my angel for the very first time!!

The Time Has Arrived...

2008-10-01T10:18:00.003-05:00

I can't believe that in a matter of 31 hours, I'll be nervously boarding a plane bound for a far away country, Vietnam. Knowing me, I'm sure I'll have a very nervous stomach (I better get over that quick!!), PROBABLY blubbering, but most importantly, I'll be thinking of all the 'firsts' in the days to come. My very first plane ride over such huge bodies of water (eek!) My very first attempt of crossing the crazy streets of HCMC (oh dear God, please protect me from those scooters!), My first glimpse of the orphanage as we drive up the drive, The first gasp as I see my son for the very first time, my first visa interview, the extremely long, grogged out flight back home, the first time I see my family and friends as we exit the plane. I'm very sure there's going to be MANY more 'firsts' as I'm in Vietnam...This is going to be all so new to me! One thing I've learned about myself during this journey, is that I find strength in the most difficult times...there may be many tears involved, (those that know me, know I'm very teary person!) but I always seem to come out better for it!

I'm so proud to have my best friend sharing this time with me. I can't think of anyone I'd rather have there to hold my hand, to calm my nerves, or to give me a swift kick in the 'ol backside when I start to freak! We've been through so much in 'our' lifetime--good and bad- A--Thank You for all you've done! Thank you for your sacrifices to endure this journey with me!! Love You!!

So, now that blubbering, it's time for a change in subject. This week has been eternal! I've been pretty much worthless...but here I am, off work for the next couple of months! Today, I'm going to a 'Mom's Luncheon' at Dillon--It's going to be nice to just 'relax' before everything hits me tomorrow! I've planned it that today is just going to be a 'relax' day. House is clean, Lawn is mowed, car is 'clean', dog is bathed, Bags are packed...I'm ready! READY, I tell you!!

So, probably the next post will be when I get to HCMC!! OMG, that sounds and looks freaky. I've seen others that have said basically the same thing and I always thought, "Someday, I'll be able to say that....someday...."

TODAY IS SOMEDAY!!! YAY!!!!

FINALLY, the weekend!

2008-09-27T09:50:00.008-05:00

Geeeez, could this past week been ANY longer? Me, the clock-watcher...I did my durnedest to push time to go faster...it didn't work! It was just eternally s-s-s-l-l-o-o-o-o-o-w-w-w-w!!

This week has been just the most hazy, groggy, wonderful week, EVER! Everyone and their brother keeps asking me, "Aren't you excited??" "umm, no, I'm not...!" NOT! I'M ELATED! SCARED!! OVERJOYED! NERVOUS!! I wish I could do one of those "Tabitha-twitch-of-the-nose" things and be there, RIGHT NOW!

Wednesday, I got my visa and our plane tickets!! WooHoo!!! I just stared at them. It , at that moment, hadn't sunk in that I'm leaving my home, to go to Vietnam, to get my S-O-N! It almost seems like I'm speaking some sort of foreign language when I say , "My Son..." " I'm leaving on Thursday to get My Son"..."My Son is living in Vietnam..." FOREIGN, I tell you!

I got my 'final' height and weight update yesterday afternoon...boy, that was even strange, yet wonderful, to read...F-I-N-A-L...
As of September 3, 2008, Tanner weighs a whopping 18.8 pounds! Chunky Monkey for sure!

Last night, I made a midnight Wal-mart run to get the menial last minute things like toothpaste, batteries, band-aids, etc.
Ohhhhh, mid-night people at Wal-mart can be quite freaky! But nonetheless, I got what I went there for, and put everything in it's rightful place in, what's becoming to be, the worlds heaviest suitcase! But hey! What's a girl to do, when going to FINALLY get her son from Vietnam! I'll pay the charges at the airport, I don't care, JUST GET ME TO VIETNAM, PRONTO AMIGO!!

T-MINUS 127 HOURS AND APPROXIMATELY 15 MINUTES, I'll be boarding the plane as a single somewhat young woman--only to come home some 14-15 days later as Mother and S-O-N!

Tickets Booked!! Bags Packed!!

2008-09-22T20:27:00.003-05:00

Today has got to have been one of the longest days in history!! I got THE email!!! Of course I had to wait to read my email until this afternoon, but when I was able...there it was!!!

I'll be leaving LR on October 2nd!
I'm to be in Hanoi on October 4th!
My Giving and Receiving Ceremony is October 7th!!!
As of right now, I'm going to be returning home with my little angel on October 18th!!!

Oh my Gosh, when those that have gone before me, told me that once 'things' start happening, that I better put my seatbelt on, and just enjoy the ride....they weren't kidding!!!

I just wanna scream!! jump up and down!! yell it from the roof tops!! cry!! veg out!! All the above!! All I know is I'm SOOOO glad I pretty much packed everything 2 months ago! There's no way I can concentrate enough to do it now! It's gonna be bad enough working!!

TANNER!! 2 WEEKS, SON! 2 WEEKS!!!

Oh My!

2008-09-19T12:24:00.006-05:00

This is the email, that I've been dreaming about writing for a very long time now!

The following is a smidge of what I received this morning:

United States Embassy Vietnam
Dear Mr./ Mrs. Gill:
Greetings from the Hanoi Adoptions Unit at US Embassy Hanoi.
As you can see in the attachment, based on a preliminary determination of orphan status by the US Citizenship and Immigration Service you are now authorized to travel to Vietnam to complete the adoption of Hai Thanh Dinh.

Did you see that? Pre-Approval!!

All week long I had been C-O-O-K-I-N-G! I mean, like roast, potatos, carrots--a pot of beans and cornbread--chili--taco salad (just like my mom used to make). These are things I've NEVER even attempted, nor really ever wanted to do before. Something was in my head...a NEED that I had to take care of.

I had planned all week long to take today off of work. I was going to sleep in a little bit, pick up around the house, wash my car....but more importantly, enjoy this wonderful weather!!

I awoke about 7:30 and went outside and watched the sunrise, played with my dog, and tried to wake up enough to wash my car. PHONE RINGS. I look and it says it's 'Dillon'.

OH MY GOSH! The voice on the other end said, "Kelly, I was just calling because I haven't received a response to the email sent this morning." LONG PAUSE. "What email?" I said with great hesitation. "I took the day off today, and I don't have a computer here at my house." (I know I know, I'm behind the times....)
The voice said, "The email that says you have pre-approval and that your tentative date to travel is October 1st!!"
"SHUT UP!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? IS THIS A JOKE?!?!"I said. (not quite the response I came up with when dreaming hazily of this very moment...)
"No! I'm quite serious...so you need to get your visa applications and passports in the mail TODAY!"the startled voice quipped back.
The rest of the conversation, I don't quite remember. I do know that I was scrolling down all the people I needed to call, all the emails I needed to write, and all the 'last minute errands I needed to mark off my list.'

I cannot believe that my time has come. That Tanner and I will be mother and soon....maybe in 2 weeks!!! OH MY GOSH!!!

This is a picture I received yesterday of my precious:

It's almost like he's saying, "Momma, I'm here! Come and get me already!!"

Darling, I'm trying, the time is near!

My entire process has been a smooth, scary ride. God deserves all the thanks: For putting the perfect people in my path--For giving me the absolute perfect family~I can't even begin to come up with words.--For the perfect best friend, to not only hear my fears about motherhood and offer her advice, but a friend to just let me, be me--Love you bunches! For allowing me to come in contact with 'those' that have endured the very same journey as me...

Thank You Lord for my answered prayers, for those 'bumps in the road', for calming my fears.
Thank You for My precious Son....

Anticipating This Week...

2008-09-14T13:37:00.002-05:00

It's yet another end to another weekend. The weekends pass so quickly, only for me to anticipate what news may come my way.
This week, I'm really praying that I'll hear from 'those that make decisions about my adoption process', regarding whether or not they'll require DNA. No one seems to have any idea on their criteria...what makes them decide or not, on DNA. THAT is what makes me nervous. I try and try again to put this out of my mind. I try to prepare --just in case. There is no way to prepare OR to put this out of my mind! The only thing I can do is hand this whole situation over to God for Him to handle and pray that Tanner will be home sooner than later!

Happy 9 Months!!

2008-09-09T12:20:00.003-05:00

My Precious!

Happy 9 Month Birthday!
Just know that Mommy is doing all she can to get there to you!
Hold tight!
I love you Tanner!

Mommy Loves You!!

An Update

2008-09-07T13:47:00.004-05:00

This past week, I was able to talk to Jynger (recently back from her trip to Vietnam/visiting with all the kiddos.)
She called me mid morning on Tuesday! I couldn't get to my phone quick enough! We got right down to business....

Me: "What's my angel like, Jynger??"
Jynger: "He's absolutely precious! I was only able to hold him for about 30 seconds before he decided I looked funny, smelled
funny, and sounded really funny! The only person he wanted then was his nanny!"

~nervous laugh~

Me: "Did you happen to see how many teeth he has?"
Jynger: "Welllllll, ummm, no actually! He WAS NOT gonna smile AT ALL--hence the most serious look on his face. I even had
people standing behind me making funny faces and funny noises in hopes of him cracking a smile! It wasn't
happening!

~nervous laugh~

Jynger: "You'll have bunches of those smiles coming your way, once he's in your arms, Kelly!!"

I was so thankful to have a first hand account of Tanner! I just can't hardly wait to see him for myself!

Jynger also told me that hopefully by mid September that I'll have an idea on whether or not DNA will be done. C'mon September 19th! (my guess)

I'm still hoping and praying for an October travel! Whether or not it'll happen, God only knows!!

Today is a special day. It's Grandparents day! What does one get 'first-time' grandparents from a grandchild that isn't quite here yet!? I came up with an idea, and the grandparents loved it....they displayed it proudly!
I ...errrr...Tanner wrote a letter to his Grandparents: "My Bestest Poppa and Nanna...." " I can't wait to go to Razorback games and Cardinals games with you..." " I love you Poppa!" "I can't wait to snuggle with you and give you bunches of sugars, Nanna!!"

Heck, I even cried as I was framing it up for them! I read it as if he really did write it! Even though he's not physically here yet with us, he's SO with us in our hearts!

Tuesday, September 9th, Tanner will be 9 months old! I can't believe that I've known and loved him for 5 months now! Time really has flown by when I just sit down and think about it! 5...F-I-V-E months ago today I was matched with my little man! It seems like yesterday!...The day time stood still! Happy 9 month birthday, Tanner!!!

Mommy loves you, Tanner!
and
Poppa and Nanna love you too!

"What Big Eyes You Have"..."better to see you with..."

2008-08-30T14:08:00.005-05:00

No, I'm not making fun of my little man!! I love his beautifully bright eyes! I don't think he was quite enjoying this little photo session though....! I'm so excited to have gotten these pictures from Jynger (Vietnam coordinator w/ Dillon) This was a hard day for her, for everyone. Thank you for Tanner's pictures, Jynger! I love'em!

Not only did I get these pictures of Tanner , but I started my morning off with an email from the ever-so-personable people in Ho Chi Minh City telling me that they have received and submitted my I-600! YaY! (Immigration papers)

So, my day/weekend/holiday started out wonderful!!

A Dream Realized...

2008-08-10T11:39:00.002-05:00

I have dreamed of you my entire life--Dreamed of the very first time I saw you for myself...
Listening to you sigh as you sleep--the twinkle in your eyes as you smile...

This time has been long, our journey to each other.
Many sleepless nights dreaming about you, the anxiety of each day...

The time is growing near, my dear son, of our first time of being Mom and son.
The day we've both dreamed of will be realized.

Hold tight my angel, I'll be there soon.
God will comfort you with His love and mine.

I Love You

8 months!

2008-08-08T12:49:00.006-05:00

As much as I'd love to whine about the absolute state of No movement in my adoption process...I'm NOT going to whine.

Instead, I'm going to direct this post towards my son, Tanner. Today is the Eve of his 8th month birthday--a wonderful day!

I can't believe he's already 8 months old! I've known him already half of his life!
Time really has flown by since first finding out about him. I already knew I was blessed to be his mother...but as each day crawls by, I realize a little bit more that he is such a blessing to me, to my life, to our family!

In honor of Tanner's birthday, I'm vowing to somehow, someway find my patience!
My patience with this long daunting process; My patience with my family and friends; My patience with the world around me.

I've been thinking about this a couple of days now. Yesterday, while having my teeth cleaning, the phrase, "Love is Patient" popped into my head.
(Doesn't everyone think about 'other' things while hearing and feeling that scraping, buzzing sound in your mouth?)
LOVE is patient
love IS patient
love is PATIENT
over and over again I heard it whirling in my head....
"God", I thought, "I know I'm not the most patient person in the world, but I thought I was doing pretty good?!?! Obviously I'm not doing such a swell job!"

So, Tanner, in honor of your 8 month birthday, Mommy promises to be more patient! I will work hard to relax. God has control of this boat! Patience will abound!
I knew what I was getting myself into when I decided to take on this long hard journey. You are so worth every ounce of anxiousness that I feel on a daily basis. Soon, very soon I will be able to hold you...We will finally be Mother and Son.

I love You Tanner! Happy 8 month Birthday!!

It Hasn't Even Occurred to Me...

2008-08-02T12:00:00.002-05:00

It hasn't occurred to me that there are actually those people that don't know the steps in which adoptive parents go through. I know those wonderful people that surround me on a daily basis have heard me mention, "Step 7" or " Step 9" but they truly don't know what I'm talking about. For those wonderful people or even for us Adoptive Parents that totally freak out when told what step they are on..and who runs to look up exactly what that step means, I've decided to just put it out there for all to see:

The following is an outline of what occurs once your acceptance paperwork arrives in Vietnam.
Steps 2-6 will happen after your dossier has been logged in with the DIA.
2. After receiving the acceptance papers, the Dillon staff (in Vietnam) will send a letter to the DIA (Department of International Adoptions) in Hanoi. The letter explains your desire to adopt a child from Vietnam. This process can take about 10 business days or longer for the letter to be sent and received.
3. The DIA will then send a letter to the local justice department of the province in which the child you were referred is residing. The letter explains that your family is desiring to adopt the child that you have been matched with. This process can take about 10 business days or longer for the letter to be sent and received.
4. Once the local justice receives the letter from the DIA, they will then send a letter to the center (orphanage) telling them which child your family is desiring to adopt. This process can take about 10 business days or longer for the letter to be sent and received.
5. Once the letter is received by the center (orphanage), the center then has to respond with a letter back to the local justice stating that yes, this child is available for adoption. This process can take about 10 business days or longer for the letter to be sent and received.
6. Once the local justice receives the letter, the local justice department will then send a letter to the DIA that yes, this child is available for adoption. This process can take about 10 business days for the letter to be sent and received. When the DIA receives the letter from the local justice department, the DIA will then send our staff in Vietnam a letter requesting them to send your acceptance papers of the child that you have been referred. This process can take about 10 business days for the letter to be sent and received. Step 6 can take about 4 weeks or longer to complete.
7. Dillon staff will send the acceptance papers to Hanoi. This process can take about 10 business days or longer for the acceptance papers to be sent and received.
8. Once the DIA receives the acceptance papers from the Dillon staff, the DIA will then send a letter to the local justice department asking them to start compiling the legal docs (child's dossier). This process can take 30-45 business days or longer to complete.
9. After the child's dossier has been compiled, the center will send the legal documents to the local justice department. Once the local justice department receives the dossier, they will then review the dossier. After they have completed the review process, they will then forward the legal documents to the DIA. The review process can take 1 week or longer.
10. The DIA will review the child's legal documents and your family's dossier. After the DIA has completed the review process, they will send the child's legal documents and the family's dossier back to the local justice department. The review process can take 1 week or longer.
Steps 11-12 happen concurrently with Steps 13-14.
11. Once the child's dossier has been returned to the local justice department, the local justice department will then forward a copy of the completed child's dossier to our staff in Ho Chi Minh City. At this time, our staff will submit your family's I-600 (immigration) paperwork and the child's dossier to the Consulate in Ho Chi Minh City for pre-approval. This process can take up to 60 business days to complete.
12. If the child that has been referred to your family was relinquished (brought to the orphanage) by his/her birth family, then the Consulate in Ho Chi Minh City will require a DNA test to determine a parental relationship between the child and birth mother. The time frame for this process is unknown, but we are estimating approximately 1-2 months to complete, if not longer.
13. The local justice department will then review the family's dossier. Once they have reviewed the family's dossier, they will then send the family's dossier and the child's legal documents to the people's committee. The Dillon Vietnam staff will at this time also submit the commitment form and power of attorney forms that you signed at the time of acceptance. The review process can take 1 week or longer.
14. The people's committee will then review your family's dossier and the child's legal documents. Once they have completed the review process, the chairman of the People's Committee will give an approval (decision). After the approval of the chairman, the child's legal documents and your family's dossier are sent back to the local justice department for your GNR (Giving and Receiving) date to be issued. This process can take 1 week or longer.
Families should have approximately two weeks notice before travel.
The process and timeframes outlined in the above steps can change without notice.

Sheeesh, that made my fingers cramp!

Ok, So I thought that this week would be the week I was told that my I-600 would be submitted. Wrong! As far as I know, I'm still hangin out on Step 9. It was relayed to me via another Lam Dong mother, that sometimes people get hung up waiting, because 'the powers that be' are trying to get those older children processed through. I'm all for that! Get those angels home already with there mama's and daddy's! Tanner is still on the babyish side. But I'm telling ya, I'm praying that our time is soon! SOON, I tell ya!

Be Well and Blessed!

The Diary of a Crazy Woman

2008-07-18T18:39:00.002-05:00

Yep, you read that right! C-R-A-Z-Y! At least that's how I feel!

The week started out simple enough.--Work, Sleep, Work again...
Tuesday was grand...I was able to attend the 'every now and then' Mom's Luncheon at my agency! I had a wonderful time! Afterwards, I went to a Vietmom's house. That was the start of a dizzily crazy week! Ohhh, it wasn't my visit at her house that made me crazy! As I was leaving, she let me borrow her HUGE suitcases that she had taken to Vietnam, just a few mere weeks ago. I was so excited! "Finally," I thought to myself, "I can see where I stand in the way of space for everything that I plan on taking to Vietnam!" Now, mind you, that trip, as much as I'd like to believe is realistically several months away! (I'm hoping October!!!) So, I rushed home, rolled up my sleeves, and dumped EVERYTHING out on the nursery floor. "Oh my hell!!!," I gasped as I surveyed the monsterous pile of 'stuff' on the floor. "Where do I begin? Do I start at the donations for the orphanage? or the gifts I bought for the nannies/staff?" I made a wee little place for me to sit. and began gently placing each item in it's proper spot. After an hour, the FIRST of the two suitcases was COMPLETELY full! Full, as in OVER 50 lbs! "oh my hell" I screamed this time! So, being my usual OCD self, I had to dump it all out, open the SECOND suitcase, and regroup! Finally, I gathered myself and said, "ENOUGH!!"
To bed I went, restless sleep once again...weird dreams! I even woke myself up saying, "Noooooooooo that's NOT where that belongs!!!!" What the crap?
So, Day 2 of said OCD fit. I came home from a VERY long day at work, didn't even bother rolling up my sleeves, but instead dove in head first!---now, I'm not certifiably crazy, just well...those that have been in my boat or in similar situations know that craziness comes with the territory!
So, I again placed each item in (what I thought) was the proper place. I threw open Tanner's closet and carefully chose each outfit for each day ( someone please PLEASE, I beg you, please help me!) "These shoes can be worn with this and this and this" and "These shoes can go with that!" "Ok, got this medicine, and this medicine...ohhhhhhhhh gonna need some Pepto for me hmmmm and probably some Immodium....coughdrops...CHECK! Vitamins...CHECK! teething tablets, CHECK!! CHECK!!" The end of Day 2....Crying Sobs=3times...Temper Tantrums due to OCDness=1!
Day 3...work work work...in between times, I decided to write out my Will and Testament. Wrong thing to do in such an emotional time...but since I'm NOT one to procrastinate...it HAD to be done. Let's just get this out of the way, right now...Crying Sobs=4 (before I left work!!) I had NO IDEA that doing the whole Will and Testament thing would be so emotionally draining....I couldn't even talk about it. It was the thought of me leaving Tanner unexpectedly.--Leaving him even before I meet the little man. *sigh* Nope, not gonna cry....On a very pleasant note, a patient of mine had crochet the most beautiful baby blanket for Tanner...and yes, I cried. (does anyone see a pattern here? I'm a sensitive crybaby!)
Needless to say, I went home and crashed. Didn't sleep well, but nonetheless, I was in a vegetative state the majority of the night...eyes open, but still...very very still...thoughts racing through my mind. (Am I nuts?)
Today, well, it consisted of having people witnessing my signature and then having each copy of said Will, notarized. (Can we say, Joy?)
So, to make a super boring and rather long story short...This weekend deserves complete and utter nothingness. No Will, No packing (by the way, I'm completely packed, EXCEPT for MY clothes...but that's only gonna take a few minutes...so, I can get the email any second...really, To the Powers that be: go ahead and feel free to email me and put me out of this misery!!!)
This is gonna be a lazy weekend. I need it! For my sanity! ... and the sanity of those that are near and dear to me!!

New Pictures, and a Whole Lot More!

2008-07-11T23:04:00.007-05:00

Wow, another eventful week! Time is starting to pass a little more quickly...and ALOT of stuff is happening around here.
The beginning of the week started off with a bang!! I got new pictures of Tanner!!

I'm so in love!! I'm so blessed~~I'M the one that's blessed to have this precious little man in my life!!
Wednesday was Tanner's 7 month Birthday!!! I didn't bake a cake for him, but after a LONG day at work, I did put a candle in a cupcake and whisper to him, "happy birthday!" I'm praying not too many 'month birthdays' pass before I can go get him!!!
On Wednesday I got notice that my 'little' Tanner is growing like a weed! He now weights 15.6 pounds!!
hmmmmm, let's see...oh yea, Thursday was our monthly Vietmoms night out. So exciting! We got to spend the evening with little Miss Katharine and Mr. Liam.
We had a nice quiet, talkative evening with the kiddos! It made me so: omgomgomghowexcitingIthinkI'mgoingtocryifIdon'thurryupandgetTanner-HowveryawesomeitwastoseeLiamandKit!
Ok...so I'm a bit wound up! Tightly wound, to be exact! Haven't slept more than a few hours since getting my pictures on Monday! I can sleep some other time! I gotta get ready for my baby!!!
Let's hope that this next week is feeled with as much wonderful blessings as this one was!!

What the Future Holds

2008-07-06T12:14:00.004-05:00

I've been thinking ALOT about the future. I know that everybody does this...but it's been constantly on my mind lately. My immediate future holds uncertainty, much love, many tears...and the GREATEST gift God...or anyone for that fact has every given me.
I think about that email that basically says, "You're ready to travel, make your travel plans and PACK!" Insomnia will ensue, I'm sure...along with a major case of jitters! For months now, I've been getting this and that, making piles here and there. I've even started situating things in suitcases--all in anticipation of that moment.
The moment I first see Vietnam from the sky *sigh*
My first night in Vietnam--no sleep/alot of pacing!
The extremely long drive to his orphanage...we pull into the drive in front of it...
I walk up to the center, salty tears stinging my eyes, tears of complete happiness...
The moment I first see my son---time stands still...
I can't believe I'm finally here, able to touch him, to whisper in his ear just how much I love him, how I'm the one that's blessed to have him in my life...to be able to call him my son!
The first time I hear someone refer to me as 'his momma'
The first moment it's just Tanner and I, struggling through our first night alone....
The complete bliss that will be when he first reaches for me....
The first time my family sees him, as we arrive home...
Our first night at home....
The rest of our lives...my son, me as his momma

The Future Holds so many wonders, surprises, laughs and tears...I'm so lucky, so blessed to walk through the rest of my life with such an angel...

Happy 4th...Wonderful Week!

2008-07-04T14:31:00.006-05:00

What a week! Another Vietmom came home with her little daughter! Welcome Home Kelly and Kit!
I sure can't wait to see you!!

I found out this week that I'm moving along quickly in my adoption! I found out on Wednesday that I'm now on Step #9!! This step 'should' take about a week--it's the step that Vietnam gathers Tanner's dossier! I'm so excited that I'm moving so quickly! Many prayers for continued quickness!!

Today is the 4th of July!! Yet another wonderful holiday to spend with family and friends!
I bought Tanner his very own "4th of July" shirt this week! I bought it big enough to wear next year!!
Hold tight my angel, Mommy's on her way!!

I Finally Found Those Perfect Words....

2008-06-28T20:21:00.006-05:00

I've been searching for months--for that perfect song--for those perfect words---those words that I've had swimming around in my head, but just couldn't put them out there! I heard this song and KNEW it was exactly what I wanted to say--it's exactly how I feel...

Steven Curtis Chapman on 6Lyrics.com

A Homecoming...

2008-06-28T10:37:00.005-05:00

It's quite rainy outside...but no time like a wonderful Homecoming!
Today was the day that the O'Conner's and the Russell's came home with their 'new' little bundles of joy!
Of course, I couldn't sleep and I kept praying for me to keep my teary emotions under control. (Didn't happen, but still, I kept praying!) I was so excited to see them and their new sons!

A crowd gathered to welcome them home==Grandparents, brothers, in-laws, and friends alike. Everyone held their American Flags at the ready to welcome them.
We all tried to crain our necks over the person in front of us, to be the first to see them.

Alas, there was the Russell's: Brian, Shelley, Zoe, Sam and Shelley's parents! YaY!

Then, the O'Connor's: Rob, Tricia, Ben and Liam!! Hooray!!

The exhaustion, the love, the joy, the tears...perfect!
I'm so happy for these two families-finally home with their bundles of energy-bundles of love!!

Welcome Home!!!

Hopefully, next week, we'll have another wonderful homecoming with another Vietmom, in tow with her son and her new daughter!! Can't wait to see you Kelly!!

Excitement

2008-06-21T10:20:00.003-05:00

This has been a VERY happy, exciting week! I've been practically on pins and needles waiting for updates from Tricia and Shelley about their moments meeting their boys for the very first time, etc...
Not only are they in Vietnam, but another VietMom, KellyO is leaving within the next couple of days to bring her daughter home! Goodness!! I'm practically speechless!! Ohhhhh, how I can't wait to see those little ones home...home with their Forever Families!!

I guess with the excitement and the anticipation of it all, I was psycho OCD ...once again! in a five day work-week, I managed to mow my lawn, not once, not twice, but three times!?!?! I kept telling myself, "enough is enough, kelly!" But the more the week wandered on, the more anxious I got! I HAD to find diversion! I found it *smile* Yard work, house work, nit-picking over where the milk goes in the fridge...but NO, that wasn't enough! So, one night at midnight, I sat up quickly in bed, and decided I HAD to get my 'adoption announcements' designed!! So, I laid in bed trying to figure out what it was I was going to put on the said announcements, what kind of paper I would need....and ohhhhh the picture I would use! (gonna have to wait for a BRAND NEW PICTURE!!!) That's another thing...I know I kept hearing this over and over again..."You're gonna live and die by updates and pictures, Kelly!" It's the truth! It's like fuel for my car! I need it to keep going! The same is true for pictures and updates. You need them to keep going through this journey! Hopefully this week, I'll be getting some 'fuel' to keep me going!

Tanner, Mommy is one week closer to you! Soon, I'll be able to post pictures of you and I from the moment we first 'met'...
I love you angel!

2 VietMoms in VietNam!!

2008-06-15T15:31:00.002-05:00

Two of my fellow VietMoms are probably in VietNam or close!! It has been so cool...so wonderful to follow their journey to their boys! I'm so excited for them and their families!
You know, when I started my journey a year ago...all I could possibly see was stacks and stacks of paperwork--I knew that somewhere at the end of it all, I would have my son...
Everyone kept telling me, "there is an end to this, Kelly....the end will be your son!"
It's true, Folks....You do come home with your child!!
Following everyone's journey to their own children gives me a lightened heart---a breath of reassurance!!
I DO see the light at the end of the tunnel!!

Hurry home, Tricia and Shelley!! I can't wait to meet your little guys!!!

Happy Happy 6 Months!

2008-06-09T17:35:00.002-05:00

My Dearest Tanner Angel,

Today is your 6 months birthday!! Happy Birthday, Angel! Mommy can't wait to celebrate your birthday with you!! I'm holding tight to the thought that we'll be together by October, if not sooner! Your Nanna and Poppa, Uncle Todd and Aunt Vikki, and your Aunt Angela are on pins and needles, waiting and waiting for you!! EVERYONE is excited to see you!!! ....but no one more than me!
You are going to have so many friends! That means LOTS of play dates!!!
Happy 6 months Birthday, my son....SON!!! I love the sound of that! makes me wanna cry! Heck, I AM crying....
I'll be there soon!!

I Love You,

Tanner

I'm So Excited!

2008-06-07T22:45:00.005-05:00

This has been the song playing constantly through my mind this past week! You'd think I was on my way to travel to Vietnam, but I have been rejoicing for 2 of my fellow Vietmoms that are both traveling in-- ONE WEEK! Another wonderful thing is that they are traveling together...until they have to be separated to happily go to the orphanages that their precious little men are at!I can't even begin to imagine that complete overwhelming , joyous, nervous, dazed-out feeling of hearing that you've been 'approved to travel'...and to have to get everything together in a little over a week!! Whoa!

Beautiful Ninh Thuan...Take lots of pictures Shelley!! I can't wait to see pictures of you holding your Sam!! What a wonderful day that will be!

A sunset in Can Tho! Enjoy looking at these sunsets with little Liam, Tricia! How wonderful it's going to be, to be able to describe 'the time we watched sunsets together before we brought you home, Liam...' Awwww, can't wait to see your pictures!!
Soon, Very Soon, I'll be able to enter a blog entry for other adoption friends...heck, SOON, I'll be able to crazily blog that I'M GOING TO VIETNAM TOMORROW, TO GET MY TANNER!!!...what a awesome day that's going to be!!

Zen Again...

2008-05-31T22:07:00.003-05:00

My last post was a little, hmmmmm, a post out of frustration.
This morning I woke up refreshed and renewed!

No such anger or frustration in sight! Thank You Lord for calming me!
Only God knows what my future holds. He's brought me this far, quickly!
Today has been complete peace mixed in with some house cleaning and life-booking...
I must have stared at his new pictures for a complete hour before I actually began putting them in his life book. I looked up and over an hour had passed! I got lost in his bright eyes, the curves of his mouth, the complete chunkiness of his fingers...The future IS me and Tanner, together as mommy and son....
Peace...calm...faith...

A Plethera of Emotions...

2008-05-31T08:43:00.002-05:00

Ok, so I knew there would be many ups and downs, good days and bad days...After all, isn't life like that?...a roller-coaster?

First, I want to preface this and say that I wouldn't change any of this for the world. Every emotion, every tear, every smile, every confusing email is SO worth it in the end! An end that will see me as a Mommy, at last, a precious little guy together with his forever family. I'd walk on hot coals for this little man...I'd walk to the ends of the earth for him. I'd labor everyday in hot cotton fields (and everyone KNOWS that's not what I describe as a 'yippee fun kind of day!' To be so in love with such an angel that's so far away...To have the future be so uncertain is terrifying...but all worth it!

Now...I'm not anti-American...not in the least!! I consider myself to be very Patriotic!! I'm proud of where I live! I'm so very thankful for those that have fought for the laws and rights that I have!!!
But sometimes, especially recently, I wonder what kind of loons we have making so-called 'laws'?? The laws I'm referring to are the 'laws' that have to do with international adoption...I know I'm not the most schooled on this subject...basically, I'm just frustrated with the whole DNA crap that's going on...

It seems really simple in my very simple mind that if one was to get DNA on said child and birthmother, that that DNA test would be done at time of relinquishment/abandonment...NOT after said child was already referred to a family...
After that family had fallen in love with said child!! After that mother of that family spends almost every night, rocking in the rocking chair that is in his nursery, dreaming of those nights that she is going to rock him to sleep!
I keep thinking to myself that I'm missing something...something somewhere in all this mess...something that would make sense to me! but I've read all those 'memos', I've called and cried to others that understand it more...
but the bottom line is...Why allow families to fall in love with those children that they are going through all this mess for, just to be told that those same children have to go through a DNA test, as well as the birth parent(s) must be found, DNA tested, the possibility of the birth mother changing her mind about this whole adoption stuff, could happen...there has got to be hurt anyway in some of these birth parent(s) minds...hurt that's being drudged up again due to DNA testing....
I know, I for one, wouldn't want to, in a sense, relive my relinquishing/abandoning of my infant, all over again!
UGH!!! COME ON PEOPLE, THINK!
Ok, so I also know that there have been some pretty sick stuff going on in Vietnam...unethical adoptions...I know this is the reason for the DNA testing...but as I've said before, Couldn't this DNA testing be done, PRIOR to the child being referred to a loving, waiting, wanting family? hmmmm...who knows...just simple thoughts, from a simple, frustrated mom...
Anyone wanna enlighten me a little bit more?
Tanner,

Mommy loves you!!! I will fight for you!! I will never give up!! I'll never lose faith, I promise! Hold tight, my angel...

Love Always,

Mom

Step 7!

2008-05-29T17:03:00.003-05:00

A wonderful end to a wonderful day...
I had missed a call on my phone, so I quickly checked my voicemail. There, I listened to a message, telling me that I may need to go check my email~~where I would find an email telling me that I am on Step #7! I didn't even finish hearing the message, but instead ran to the nearest computer. Yep, it was true! I'm 'officially' on Step #7! All I could do was say, "I'm on 7! I'm on 7!" Of course no one knew what I was talking about until I could calm down enough to explain it, in my mumbled up adoption-world jargon.

I'm telling you, time has flown by...when I make myself sit down long enough to think about it. The past 7 weeks have really flown by! I'm constantly praying that time continues to fly!

I try to keep telling myself that I just need to utilize this 'waiting time' to my advantage. Smell the roses; nest; read a book; take a trip; expand on my retail therapy. All those things that almost ALL adoption blogs and lists tell you to do.
I try to do a little here and a little there, but I'm telling you, whoever said retail therapy was GOOD...well, let's just say that I've grounded my debit card for a bit! If I keep going, my little man is going to have a spring/summer closet and a fall/winter closet...complete with matching accessories i.e. hats/sunglasses/shoes.
No, I'm exagerrating a little bit...but I'm going to have to try my hand at some other "waiting" adventure...Perhaps Vietnamese cooking! Anyone feeling lucky?

Surprise, Surprise, Surprise!!!

2008-05-27T18:34:00.004-05:00

What a wonderful surprise when I got to work this morning! Pictures of my little man had been waiting for me for a few days! I had 4 pictures!! Boy has he grown! He's now 5 1/2 months old... He has the funniest, most wonderful hair!...and his outfits~~so cute!

I was so surprised, and quite delighted to see that they took him outside for a few pictures! What a serious looking little guy!
Today, was a much needed day!

Mother's Day

2008-05-17T21:47:00.007-05:00

I'm behind, I know, I know....
This week has been a little hectic!!

The week began wonderfully! It was my very first Mother's day! I was surprised by an absolutely precious Mother's Day gift from Tanner!! It was a Willow Tree Angel!

I read the card from him first. Reading "my mommy" and "love Tanner" absolutely broke me down! I was so happy!! Then, I opened his gift to me. It was perfect!!
A wonderful day!
The next day, I got an update on Tanner, which said he was a whopping 14.9 pounds! It also said he had pneumonia (which I found out what Vietnam was calling 'pneumonia', is OUR version of a common cold... and on Tuesday, found out that he had fully recovered!) Thursday of this week, I got an email that I was on Step #5! YaY!! It's only a matter of time! It came as such a shock to me. I was expecting an email saying that I was on steps 2-6...but not a definative Step 5!
I catch myself marking off each day. It's a special moment in my day...I guess because I feel like I'm progressing...and that I can physically SEE that I'm closer to my Giving and Recieving of Tanner.
Well, who knows what this next week has in store for me. I'm praying for some new pictures of my little man. And I'd LOVE, and I'm praying that I hear of some travel news for a fellow Vietmom!

A Letter to My Son...

2008-05-08T21:53:00.002-05:00

My Dearest Tanner,

I can't believe it's been one whole month since we became a family. Believe it or not, time HAS flown by! As I'm writing, you are probably awaking from your night's sleep...perhaps yawning, whimpering for a bottle. Please know that you are so close to me~~ I love you with all that I am.
I've been in a constant hazy daze since my call of you...day dreams and night wonders~all of me and you! I mark each day off of my calendar, one more day gone~~one more day closer to you!
I can't wait to see how you've grown, how your eyes twinkle, how you smile at me...
I can't wait to hear you sigh in your sleep, to feel your hand wrap around my finger....
I can't wait to show you the worlds wonders...adventures forever!!
My prayer is God's protection and comfort over you. May God whisper to you, to calm your fears and wipe away your tears.
May you always know that you are MY blessing!

Happy 5 months birthday, My precious Angel!
I love you always!

Mommy

Retail Therapy...

2008-05-04T15:02:00.003-05:00

Ok, so I had no idea how out of control I could be where shopping for Tanner is concerned!
It started out slow, but then...all heck broke loose! I woke up yesterday morning, and the first thing
I thought of is, "where can I go today, for Tanner?" to make myself feel better about my obsessive shopping issue, I keep telling
myself that "it's better to start now, than wait to the last minute!" It does the trick! I looked at his closet last nite, and was quite pleased with my last outing! hahaha! I don't think I could buy enough for him! The one thing I've found out while buying outfits for him is...i HATE those seaseme street character clothes...yuck! I mean, if he wants a special t-shirt with one of these characters on it, that's fine...but geeez...those bigbirdtiggerwinnie-the-poohelmo things pasted all over every piece of clothing imaginable is scarey! I hate'em! Other than that, things are peachy! I've also figured out that i'm 'Pajama Obsessed'! Tanner now has about 12 P.J. outfits. The footie kind, the t-shirt and boxers, the pants and t-shirt kind... so cute! hmmm, what store can I go to now? Any suggestions?

The Gift

2008-04-27T09:47:00.002-05:00

“I didn’t give you the gift of life,
But in my heart I know.
The love I feel is deep and real,
As if it had been so.
For us to have each other
Is like a dream come true.
No, I didn’t give you The gift of life,
Life gave me the gift of you.”
– Unknown

Mommy Loves You!

A Great Day!

2008-04-26T19:15:00.007-05:00

Dillon Day at the Zoo-Little Rock, AR
Date: Apr 26 2008
Time: 10:00 AM

After a long restless night, I arose to an absolutely beautiful sunrise! I was quite excited for the day. Over the past year, I had heard many talk about Dillon's Day at the Zoo and how cool it was to get to meet people that had adopted or were in various parts of the process.

We explored the zoo for a little bit, all the while I kept thinking that this time next year, I would be there with Tanner...showing him the lions,tigers,and bears (oh my!) for the very first time! I settled happily for enjoying the zoo with Vietmoms, their kids and other people that had adopted from other countries. It was so awesome to hear little Howie say, "Mom! Mom!! Bear!!...cute!!" He's so precious...and growing like a weed!
After the zoo, we spent a little time picnicing at the Pavillion (actually, I opted for a bottle of water and conversation.) I so enjoyed seeing all the children running around, laughing, with smudged food on their faces! Sooo cute!!

Oh, but my most favorite part of the day was a little 'retail therapy'.

Ohhhh, How much fun did I have? This is one of the little outfits I bought him. Precious!! I just wish I KNEW exactly what size Tanner was going to wear when I bring him home...I probably would've bought one of each!
Of course I just HAD to buy this little ball cap!!

Today was a great day!!
Mommy is one day closer to you, Tanner!

Wow!

2008-04-25T13:09:00.007-05:00

Yesterday, I got a height/weight update on Tanner!! He's a growing boy, that's for sure! He now weighs 13.6 pounds and is 25 inches long!! Ohhhh, what juicy cheeks he's gonna have!! I can't wait to nuzzle his neck and give him bunches of momma kisses!!!!

Today, still reeling from my updates on Tanner, I was kind of surprised to see the yahoo article~ (on my link list to the right)
and the Vietnam warning from our agency.

My heart goes out to the families, waiting for their angel. Thank goodness our agency was looking to the future of Vietnam adoptions, and smart enough to stop taking applications a long while ago. I know, I have great faith in God, that those families waiting for their referrals will soon get their "call." That all this mess will soon blow over, and we'll ALL be home with our precious little ones....and ALL of the issues with Vietnam adoptions will be a distant memory!
My prayers are for all of us waiting...in every step of our process....Prayer for travel, for approval, for safe travels and happy returns home!!

My Memaw!

2008-04-19T18:48:00.004-05:00

Have you ever been reminded of just how precious family is?

I just got home from Jonesboro. I spent the night in the hospital with my precious 'Memaw.' She had a bad couple of days and we were all taking turns staying with her, keeping her comfy, and just spending precious time with her.

I know I probably haven't told her enough in my life, but my Memaw is the most tender-hearted, stubborn (I wonder where I get my stubborness from?) independent woman ever!!

As I sat there next to her, watching her sleep and holding her soft hands, I thought back to being a little girl...going to Memaw's house! Oh, I loved that! ALWAYS, upon walking in her house, I'd smell the sweet scent of some fantastic dessert or lunch being prepared in her kitchen! I loved Christmas at her house (ummm, she did away with the christmas tree loooong ago, but decorated a lamp instead--complete with lights and Christmas balls all over the lamp!!( hahaha!!) just for me and my brother!! Oh, how I wish I had a picture!!)I always looked forward to her chocolate peanut butter fudge! Yuuuummmm!!!!

Just today, as I was putting some lip gloss on her dry lips and said to her, "Pucker up, Memaw!" she smiled and laughed at me, cuz I just looked at her....That little second in time brought back memories of watching her get ready for church! I loved watching her get ready! the fixing of her hair...the sweet smell of perfume...watching her 'pucker up' to put her lipstick on!! Then we'd head out and walk to church! She always made me feel so special!! ALWAYS!!

I was able to show her pictures of Tanner! We were talking about how beautiful he is! (He's her FIRST Great Grandson!!) I dorkily asked her, "Memaw, are you gonna hold him, when he gets home?" She quickly answered me, Uh, No Kelly, I'm going to throw him in the floor!! ... Of course I'm going to hold him, and kiss and hug him too!!" I'm glad to see that all that's happened over the past week hasn't dampened her sense of humor!! I do love her so!

Sporadic Thoughts

2008-04-12T11:25:00.004-05:00

I was looking back at some of my older posts on my blog this morning. I wanted to perhaps get a glimpse of what I was doing on December 9, 2007 (the day Tanner was born!) Well, I must've had some kind of feeling in my heart, because 3 days later, on December 12th, I started my blog!

The past week has been a complete blur! I've written down every little feeling, every word of my conversation with my social worker, every little thought I've had. I've looked at Tanner's pictures probably a billion times; studied every curve of his face, looked into his dark beautiful brown eyes, whispered to him just how much I love him. I'm still in this wonderfully blissful daze. *laughing* Sometimes, I catch myself staring at his picture and thinking to myself, "what a beautiful child..." Then quickly realize, "OMG, that's MY child!! I'm a momma!!" Whoaaa!
I'm someone's mommy! I'm that handsome little boys Mommy! HE'S going to be the one that calls ME Mommy!!! I get to be the priveleged one to rock him to sleep, to 'oooh and awwww' over his boo-boos, I'm the lucky one that gets to tuck him into bed at night and say a prayer over him.I'mthe lucky one in this family. He's my blessing!!

Tanner, Mommy is saying a prayer over you. I love you my sweet precious angel!!

A Surprise--Cookie Cake!!!

2008-04-10T12:25:00.005-05:00

What a wonderful surprise!! After yet another tornado warning, complete with taking all our patients at work down the stairs to hide away until they went off--I came back upstairs to a wonderful cookie cake!! Yum!!! OMG we ALL enjoy this!! Thank You T. and D. Rhodes!!!!

Introducing....

2008-04-09T07:28:00.002-05:00

Tanner!!

Monday Evening, I received my call! What a simply surreal moment!!! I hardly remember anything that was said from that point on! He's beautiful!!
He was born December 9, 2007 in Lam Dong (Da Lat, Vietnam.) He's healthy and oh so handsome!!! I think I'm actually in a haze actually!! This angel is going to be so loved by everyone!! It's only a matter of time now, Tanner!!

Police, Detours, and Tornados

2008-04-04T12:49:00.003-05:00

Wow! what a week! 'whew'
TGIF!!! is all I have to say!
Monday started out normal enough, the same old routine for the most part. I started my car and onto my usual road, on my way to work. I guess I was in a daze or something, or had something mighty important on my mind, because out of the blue I saw blue lights in my rear view mirror! Oh heck!!! "Ma'am, you were speeding, weren't you?" (duh!) "yes Sir, I surely was..."
"Well, here's your warning, please drive safe, Ma'am!"
"Yes Sir, I sure will, Thank You!! Have a Great Mornin and Be Blessed!" he studdered, "uhh, uhhh, Why Thank You!"

Later that evening, I get a call, "just checking to make sure you're doing ok...after the email and all" WHAT EMAIL??

The next morning, I hurriedly arrive at work (minus a traffic warning) and check that stupid email!
*sigh* Now there's going to be DNA testing done! great! terrific! I mean, I understand, and really it needs to be done...
It's just another one of those Detours in life, I suppose...

and the Thunderstorms....Can we say, F-L-O-O-D!! wow! and Last night, Tornados and just as I was about to go to bed. Needless to say, I packed my bag with all my 'goodies' (adoption stuff included!) got a couple of hysterical phone calls from 'A' that I just couldn't help but to laugh at later (sorry, 'A', but I've never heard you so out of control! I'm usually the one crying and carrying on about storms!---But I truly thank you for being worried about me!! I love you bunches!!) and clicked the TV back and forth from station to station watching to see if another funnel cloud was heading towards Conway! Finally, about 1am (after making sure my Benton/Bryant buds were safe and sound, I made myself turn out the light and TRY and get a little sleep! Never heard my alarm, but God was watching out for me, as He always does, I woke up 15 minutes before I normally leave!! Thank Goodness that I thought the night before that I should be clean 'if' anything should happen to me, so I had already had my shower!! yay! So, I quickly changed, teeth brushed, and hair kinda fixed, I prepared myself for the normal 'rainy-day commute' to work! Wasn't that bad though.

As I sit here at the computer, I was so glad to see ANOTHER REFERRAL given to a family on the Dillon Forum! A sweet precious little baby GIRL!! YAY!! I'm so happy for them! Praise God for the progress!!!
I also saw that another family had gotten I600 pre-approval!! More progress!! God is so good!!

My call is coming! I know I've been saying this for a while now! And I've never stopped believing!! It will be soon, my angel, that I'll be able to see your sweet face, and have even more dreams of you!

Frowns and Giggles

2008-03-30T11:50:00.003-05:00

It's AGAIN a dreary afternoon...overcast and drizzle. Basically, it's a great day to just close up the windows, light a candle and just veg out! The past couple of days have been the same--and yes, I did said idea!! I didn't feel like facing the world. Call it frustration, or just a down moment, or perhaps just the result of such a dreary day! I keep reading the wonderful emails from friends going through the same process. They are at different points in their adoption processes. The wonderful progress: Finished authentications, updates on Steps, Travel plans! It's all so very exciting!! I'm so so SO happy for each and every one of them! **selfish moment** I WANT MY DANG CALL!!!!!! ok, it's over! I've been needing to get that out for a few days now! --who am I kidding? I've been needing to get that out for a MONTH now!!! I know this won't be my only selfish moment...my only yell of frustration, but I HATE to feel this way! I took my frustrations out on my house...and on my hair! My house got a good old-fashioned spring cleaning yesterday and I searched for clothes to wash! and I decided to 'wash away my gray'! I colored my hair!! I suppose some would say that I went drastic (but those that REALLY know me, know that dark brown IS NOT drastic for me!) I've had every color of red imaginable! Anyway, I just needed a change. My life just needed to be different for a while! Tomorrow is going to be new. I'll wake up, get ready for work, and hold my breath that my phone will ring, and I, too will have wonderful news to share!!!

Happy Easter!

2008-03-23T13:30:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to wish everyone a very Happy Easter! My prayer is that everyone is blessed with New Beginnings, with Safe Travels, with First Meetings, with Happy News of Progress! May each and everyone love the next one and keep them close! May everyone reflect on the past year, and look forward to the future!

We Reached Month #3!

2008-03-18T08:40:00.000-05:00

Today is the day that we reached month # 3!! The third month that I've been on the waiting list! WAITING list! arghhh! I'm not griping nor complaining, maybe a little on the frustrated side, but that's okay! Frustration is G-O-O-D! It builds character! ( Ummm, before long, I think I'm going to be full of this kind of character!!) The past few weeks have been a little on the difficult side, seeing as some of the people from my program at my agency, have been in Vietnam. Knowing this, pretty much meant that there would be no phone calls. Now, they've returned and I'm oh so anxious to hear my phone ring! I keep making sure my phone isn't broken! EVERY time my phone even makes a peep, I jump like I've been shot and almost hyperventilate!!! Ok, so that's a stretch, but I've come close! It's like I'm almost willing my phone to ring! I try to talk nicely to it, thinking that will work (it doesn't, by the way!) So, I wait some more. It's all going to be worth it in the end and all this frustration and waiting will all be a distant memory!

Peace

2008-03-11T07:42:00.000-05:00

Today, I woke up feeling tremendous peace. The birds were chirping, the sunrise was absolutely amazing. Peace was everywhere!! My heart was happy, my steps were light!! My smile was bright! Today will be a wonderful day, no matter what!!
My prayer is that peace fills everyone's lives!

a Weak Moment...

2008-03-08T13:28:00.000-06:00

Over the past week, while reading the Vietnam Families Forum, I've seen several referrals!! It's so exciting to see families realize their dream of meeting their little angels from Vietnam! It warms my heart! It's very promising to know that the adoption process is proceeding, despite recent confusion involving the agreements between the US and Vietnam.
I must be honest though. This waiting for the call, is truly testing my endurance and patience. Maybe it's just the blues, or just the dreariness outside, or perhaps knowing that tomorrow is my birthday, my 36th birthday! ugh! I know that my call is coming! and everything is in God's time...but I've dreamed of my call. Where will I be? What will I be doing? Will I scream? Will I remember what is said? I've dreamed of telling my family my news. To show them the picture of my little angel and tell them what I know of him, where he was born, how old he is, etc. God,please hear my prayers. Know that my faith and sanity is in Your hands. I know that this child is born of my heart, but is ultimately Yours. I need Your strength, Your protection, Your love. I'm weak, in mind and spirit. Calm my nerves, and relax my body.

Let It Snow...

2008-03-04T07:51:00.000-06:00

What a wonderful morning it was to wake up to such a beautiful sight!! Here it is, the beginning of March, and to wake up to what we Arkansans call: a dang-near blizzard!! My yard was a complete blanket of white, silky and smooth...that is, until my Yorkie, Brinklee, decided he wanted to 'play' at 5:30am!! But, hey! What the heck! How often does it snow like this, anyway? So, I ran out there with him, complete in my jammies and coat, giggling like a 3 year old...
After a few minutes, I realized I had to come to work! The drive was slow, but without incident! It was beautiful! The trees dressed in the white wonder...
What a gift! How wonderful...

A Time to Listen

2008-03-02T11:59:00.000-06:00

I've come to the realization that this stomach bug that I've had over the past few days was God's way of saying, "Slow down, enjoy what I've given you, relax...." As I laid around for the past few days, enjoying the sun flowing through the windows, watching the wind stir through the curtains, listening to the chimes sing outside my kitchen, I listened to God , I mean REALLY listened to Him. I've needed to slow my thinking, slow my heart, slow my mind, slow my body for a while now. Sometimes I think I was going so fast that I forgot to listen to Him. This 'bug' has given me the opportunity to rejunvenate my mind, body, spirit, heart, and soul for this wonderful next stage of my life.

From Local TV to the World Wide Web...

2008-02-27T17:07:00.000-06:00

Yep! That's right folks! The VietMoms have gone from a 'showing' on local Conway TV to the World Wide Web!! This is so so SO Cool! I'm so proud to call these wonderful ladies (ALL the ladies!) friends!! As I've said previously, they've been a wonderful support to me, WE'VE been a support to each other!! If anyone would like to see our "local" TV segment, check out the side-bar to the left (VietMoms on YouTube)!!

I've got a feeling!

2008-02-22T07:21:00.000-06:00

Have you ever had a feeling, a feeling deep in your heart that something wonderful, great, life-changing is going to happen? You aren't sure what or when it's going to happen, but you feel it in your bones that it's just around the corner?
Is it intuition? Is it God whispering in your ear? I wonder about this feeling. It's an exciting, frightening, lovely feeling that I've had for a week now! It's almost like electricity is running through my body! Goose-bumps on my arm, a nervous twitch almost...I can't sleep, I'm eating out of control, (yuck!)I've been fluttering about everywhere! I know, KNOW, that I will hear about my little guy soon,SOON!!!

Month # 2

2008-02-18T07:34:00.000-06:00

Today is month # 2 of being on the waiting list. I've handled it differently this time. I've concentrated more on collecting stuff to pack! Yes, I've already started packing!! Not clothes or anything, but things that I KNOW I will need, like: medications, blankets, bottles, and donations. It makes me feel like I'm doing SOMETHING, rather than feeling like I'm just drumming my fingers on my desk, doing NOTHING! I feel it in my bones, that within the next few weeks, I'll get that magical call I've been waiting for the last 8 months! It will be the best birthday gift ever, that's for sure! Here's to the next months ahead!!